Parenthood

            The movie this week is “Parenthood”. It’s a 1989 movie that had an ensemble cast like Steve Martin, Keanu Reeves and others. The movie itself showed different type of parenting styles through different characters in the movie.

           The first one is Gil Buckman. He and his wife, Karen were sort of more towards authoritative parenting style. They gave their children a lot of autonomy but also always tried to be there for the kids. With that at stake, Gil faced troubles balancing his family time with his works, especially when he found out that his eldest, Kevin was facing emotional issue. But still he still managed to be involved in the children’s lives.

            Secondly is Helen Buckman, a divorced woman with a teenage daughter and a son that was approaching to adolescent. She portrayed a style of permissive parenting style, where there is high responsive but low demanding. This can be seen from the way she treated her children. For example, in the movie, she was always soft spoken to her son while trying to make connection even when he keeps ignoring her. Also, when she had the argument with her daughter, Julie and she wants to move out, Helen still rushes out and expresses to her daughter that this will always be her home. A high possibility of this parenting style may be due to Helen doesn’t want the divorce to affect her children which made her less demanding.

            Third one is Nathan Huffner, which adapted to more of an authoritarian parenting style. This can be seen on how he tried to teach his daughter everything as possible, demanding her to achieve her academic skills. For example, in the beginning of the movie, he expressed that he had high hopes for his daughter and that he was disappointed for her drop in kindergarten result. Yes, you heard me, KINDERGARTEN. The result showed that her daughter was portrayed as a highly intelligence child but lack of the innocence of a child that supposed to have.

            Last but not least is Larry Buckman. His parenting style was quite similar to his dad, which is neglectful parenting style. This can be seen when his mother ask Larry to bring his child, Cool to go around places, he just asked his mother to put him in front of a television. He even asked his parents to look after him (Opps, sorry, it’s his father that reminded him about Cool) when he wanted to leave the country for his wild adventures. Apart from this character, Julie’s husband, Tod expressed that his father was also neglectful and in some extend abusive. In the movie he mentioned to Helen, “You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.” This showed that his father may be neglectful and abusive to his life.

            With all different types of parenting styles, it shows that each style has their own strengths and weaknesses. The Grandma’s metaphor of the roller coaster was fitting in encouraging them to continue to strive forward and be better parents as there will always be ups and downs. Enjoy the ride and the journey.

Are You Afraid of Death......

           The movies watched this week was “Departures”, a Japanese movie and “Grace Is Gone” an American movie. Both movies centered on the theme of death, which to me is scary to even think about people I know will pass away one day. Also, both movies incorporated the five stages of grief in very different ways.

            “Departures” is a 2008 movie. Like I’ve mentioned above, both this movie and “Grace is Gone” talked about death. However, unlike “Grace is Gone” that portrayed more directly on how people faced death, “Departures” use a more serene and artistic ways to portray how people faced death.

            In “Departures”, Daigo, the male lead, was a cellist that lost his job and decided to move back to his hometown with his wife. There he accidentally got a new job: preparing the dead. On the other hand, “Grace Is Gone” is about how a husband faced the death of his wife and struggled to tell his daughters. The different of incorporation of five stages of grief is that starting in the movie “Grace Is Gone”, we can see the denial and anger when the husband, Stanley knew about his wife’s death. He refused to let the army officers that arrived with the bad news come into his house, and he sat on the couch for hours until his daughters came back. Also, he kept calling back to the answering machine just to listen to his wife’s voice again. He also suffered with bargaining and depression when he tried to bring his daughters for a trip. Whenever he was alone during the trip, he was seen fell into the state of depression. For example after he asked his brother to bring his daughters for a meal, the scene showed that he walked wobbly to a room where he lied down and cried. Only when he began to slowly accept the death, he told his daughters about the news and comforted them. This scene, in my opinion, also showed the initial stages of grief on the elder sister’s character as when she learned about the news, she was so sad (with denial as she kept saying that the mother was only hurt and they can fix her) and angrily pushed away his father when he tried to comfort her. This movie was more of using direct approach to face the death.

            In “Departures”, the five stages of grief were showed in different scenes. When Daigo first started the job of preparing the dead, he felt very disgusting and ashamed as the movie showed that he straight away went to a bathhouse, washed himself repeatedly after his first case (also because that his first case was extremely disgusting). He didn’t even tell his wife and friends about his job as he was too ashamed. As the story proceeded, he slowly began to gain respect to the job as it expressed gratitude towards the death. The stages of grief were shown in the several scenes of funeral that Daigo prepared the dead. For example there was a scene where after Daigo finish the ceremony, the mother of the deceased got angry with the makeup, saying that it was not her daughter; while the father was angry with the mother not taking care enough of the child. There was also some scene where the family was sort of “happy” during the funeral. For example there was one scene where the granddaughters asked Daigo to out on trendy socks to their grandmother; there was one where the family’s women gathered to leave kissing mark on the deceased. These scenes showed that they had reached acceptance stage.

            This movie also showed some prejudice and discrimination towards people’s occupation. For example, Daigo’s friend was ashamed of his friend’s job and asked him to get a proper job. His wife even said that it was a dirty job and left him. However Daigo still stick to the job as he saw beyond the job, but as a person that helped people to look good on their last journey on earth.

            Out of these two movies, “Departures” touched my heart the most. I cried almost 70% throughout the movie. It stepped on the area that I don’t dare to imagine about. It also showed that how life sometimes can be so fragile. Everyone will face death sooner or later. It is not as scary as we thought it would be. Like a character in “Departures” mentioned, death is not the end but the gate to the next stage. Cherish those you loved; love them until you have no regrets that you did not love them enough.

When A Man Loves A Woman

            The movie watched this week was “When a Man Loves a Woman”. Before watching this movie, I only know the name by the song. The movie was a 1994 movie with a story of an alcoholic wife and his husband.

            The first half part of the movie revolves around the life of an alcoholic wife. It shows that how addiction to alcohol can change a person’s personality. The wife, Alice was portrayed as a person that was lighthearted and loving but also very reckless. For instance, on their anniversary, Alice was shown really cheerful and loves to have fun. But when they were back in their home, she was annoyed by neighbor’s alarming car and then threw eggs to the car. She was also shown that she slapped her daughter when she was drunk.

            The story began to shift the main idea on how people was affected by alcoholism to how people deal with changes when Alice and her husband decided that rehab is the solution to Alice’s alcoholic problem. Alice became sober and strong, unlike previously that she often needed her husband, which was hard for her husband, Michael, who was dealing with the changes of his wife. Michael was portrayed as a man that loves his wife deeply. For example, when Alice was throwing eggs to their neighbor’s car, he decided to accompany his wife in action. During her wife’s alcoholic state, he was portrayed as the main “strength” of the family. When his wife kicked the habit of drinking, he still treated her like previously, which sort of tip off the argument between them as Michael do not know how to deal with his wife’s new state. He still remained the mind state of how he could help to “fix” her. Whenever they had argument, he will say things like: “Something I can do?” or “What'd I do now?”

            At the end, after they separated for a while, only they know how to deal with the changes in their lives, which shown sometimes people need personal space to sort things out. We can see that sometimes people are hard to deal with changes, but also inspiring as we can see how people take effort to deal with it.

Chariots Of Fire

            “Chariots of Fire”, a 1981 movie featuring the story of two British athletes, Harold Abrahams and Eric Liddell. The movie brilliantly portrayed how two people with different personalities and motivations, yet pursue their goal regardlessly.

            The first main character featured in the movie was Harold Abrahams. He was portrayed as a man that wished to prove him worthy. This personality was probably shaped by the slight prejudice he had received as Jews. Throughout the movie we can see several short scenes that mentioned this prejudice. Although the prejudice was almost unnoticeable, it still shows that prejudice can happen at any time, anywhere and not just the poor and uneducated places, but even those who see themselves as gentlemen. From the point of view of Social Comparison Theory, Harold had immersed himself to be competitive facing this prejudice, making him strive to be better than others. This can be seen in the movie that he challenged the Trinity Great Court Run and successfully completed it. He was shown that he is a person that dares to speak up his mind and will not “grin and bear it” but instead “run off their feet”.

            Another character, Eric Liddell, was unlike Harold that filled his motivation by anger and wished to prove himself, but a person that wishes to glorify God. He wished to use the speed he had as a path to preach people about Christianity. His motivation was more suitable to explain by the top of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs: Self-actualization. He wishes to accomplish things that are way bigger than he is, to reach to the full potential of what God had made him to be. As he expressed to his sister, “I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure.”

            Both characters were shown to face obstacles on the path of their dreams: Harold was defeated by Eric, whereas Eric faced the dilemma of racing on Sunday. The two showed how dream can still be achieved using different ways. Harold showed that sometimes obstacles we faced was just another harder challenge in life and with a great coach and practices, we will get through them. On the other hand, Eric showed that sometimes in order to realize your dream, we must stand by our principle, even risking jeopardizing our success. People will respect a man that protects his principle instead of sacrificing it for success.

            The movie showed that success can be reached in many ways as long as you set eyes in the goals and dreams. As long as there is will, there will always be a way.